No Kids, No Life, Just a Wife

We're down the pub last night and one of our friends, The Professor, says "what's that smell?" Immediately my brain screams *OHMYGOD I SMELL! YOU JUST WASHED THE DOG AND CAME OUT TO THE BAR AND DID YOU REMEMBER TO USE DEODORANT THIS MORNING?????? CRAWL UNDER THE BAR!!! HIDE!* But I try to be nonchalant about it, "dog shampoo??" I ask.
"no...." Says The Professor with a discerning look upon his rectangular head
"tooth paste? I did just brush my teeth...."
"no.... maybe its a combination of the two. It smells like Opium."

Ok, hold the fuck up. My dog shampoo and toothpaste makes me smell like a hardcore drug addict from the 1850's who is chasing the dragon?? G.R.E.A.T. And, not to pass up this opportunity, but whyyyyy does The Professor know what opium smells like????

I probably should have gone home then. But, lil'miss-smarty-pants me stayed. I got to hear The Professor give a moving lecture on how children "Can't even be children anymore because they are over scheduled". Stimulating I know. I watched a couple of Abercrombie and Fitch brothers play plastic darts and nearly got impaled as they ricocheted around the room. And that was about it. My life is soooo interesting.