Ayyyyyyyy YO LAAA-DEEE!

Yet another scorcher in the big city today. I'm pretty sure after the last three days of un-fucking-believable heat and humidity there is no more water left in my body. My Gawd! Could someone turn the heat down already?? So anyway, I was on Germantown Ave today in the Not So Nice part of town. It was fun. OH! TONS of fun. I was on Rector Street waiting for my parking space to open up in front of the building because HOLY FUCK NOT. LEAVING. CAR. OUT. OF. SIGHT. People might steal Mah Shit. And DOOOOODE! I carry a LOT of shit! So I'm waiting, and reading a book. What? I got all day to fuck off people! And all the sudden....


Me: (scramble to turn down radio) What's that o'young and black??

Lil'Black boy: (pulls up pants, grabs crotch, adjust) You wanna dye my hair that color??

Me: HAHAHA (Casually roll up window and avert eyes.)

It was the predecessor of Things To Come.

So around noon I used my Nuvi to find the Micky-D's on Broad St. I was just chillin' in the parking lot reading my book and havin' a smoke. I got to see a few interesting things and have a LOVELY conversation. While I was there a slightly strung out looking white woman about 35yr but looking much older(read: dishevaled hair, ill fitting clothes, wild look in her eye) pulled up in a crappy Cavalier, then a young black guy pulled up in a beat ass Bonneville. She got out of her car, into his, back out of his car, into her shit box and drove away. Hmmm. Musta been a nice lil'drug deal. Sweet. I don't mind a little pot but this woman looked B.A.D. Crack or meth is my guess. I just shrugged it off, whatevs. Not my life. So I'm still reading my book, sweating and trying to stay out of the sun and another Bonneville pulls up with three young black gents in it. Two of whom exit the vehicle and go talk to people in another car. Muslims I think, the girl was wearing the full dress and face cover. I was just sitting there biting a fingernail and young black driver rolls down the rear passenger window....

YBD: Ayyyyy ba-beeee! Whas wrong? You lost? You go to schoooo down here?

Me: Oh, nothings wrong.

YBD: So.... you go to schoo down here?

Me: No.

YBD: Whats yo name baby?

Me: You wont be able to say it.

YBD: Naaaahhhh, its aiiight. I got a slick toungue.

Me: Oh..... uhhh... (insert name here)

YBD: AH, aint nuthin hard about that! So can I take you out sometime baby?

Me: Oh, honi I'm married.

YBD: Thas aiight, I got a mini van. He can come too.....

Me: ........................ (throw car in reverse, get THE FUCK OUT OF THERE)

Yeah, I think my boss gave me all the area's he's afraid to go in....



Good Lord this Makes me cry!

Go watch this video! It reminds me of the Ugly Duckling. I nearly cried!



Commence the Chaos.

So, I have been recovering, *albeit slowly*, from this past weekend. It was great fun. We arrived Thursday afternoon after a SIX HOUR DRIVE *fucking Pennsylvania and it's mother fuckin' construction*. As soon as we stepped in the door dad cracked us both a brew and we sat down to chill for a bit. It was nice being home and just RELAXING before all the wedding Brew-ha-ha. After a hour or two I rolled on over to the G-parents house and chilled with Ye Old Man, and the Beautiful Young Woman he married, Gram. My fathers brother, 'Dunk' and his Beauteous Wife 'Le Nursey' were there and chilled with us too (sorry lady, I got no good shots of you). We haven't seen them for OOooooo, I guess 2 years now? Because we're too friggin "busy" (read: lazy) to drive to Ye Old 'Ginia to visit. Friday everyone started rollin' in for the big Sha-bang. Sister 1 and hubs-to-be were first. The looked happy (and a wee bit sweaty and tired, shhhh I never said that) and brought a Ass-Ton of boxes, dry cleaner bags and clutter with them. Then Sister 2 showed bearing 1 boy-toy and a freshly birthed babe of 2 weeks.
hich Da Momma swiftly and with great grace swooped away with). And now I say unto the Heavens


Friday night The Capt.,I, Dunk and Le Nursey went for a small tour of the local nightlife. A really small pub crawl. We started off at Andersons, had a few beers and looked at the scary folk with 'Summer Teeth' and the Babies that I baby-sat elleventy million years ago,and saying things like 'OH HELL NO THEY CAN NOT BE OLD ENOUGH TO DRINK!??!?!!!' Next we moseid on 'Down Below', (That's the fightin' bar). When we walked in we saw this guy signing a song of which I only caught the last couple of lines. It was a nice little didy and it goes a lil'sumthin like theeeeeaaaaaaasssss!

"There ain't nuthin worse than a white girl with a nigger..... explative explative racist comment Oh NO SIR There ain't nuthin wooooooorse....... than a white girl with a nigger......"

Um, yeah. It's a small town. Just make up your own excuse for these schmucks. I got nuthin'.

Just so you can properly understand My Town here's
a few more example of the fine, law abiding, clean cut, hygenic peeps there. Yeah, You're So Very Welcome! (You should understand the TOOTH brush might have been invented there. That's why it's not used in the proper plural form. We Got Us'ins a TOOTH! YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEE FUCKIN HAWWWWW BITCHES!!)

For now, this is all. I will have a follow up tale of One True Love, and the Loverly Wedding that ensued. And just possibly some more hilarity. Maybe. If I am good, and Da Momma says I can....

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