Ayyyyyyyy YO LAAA-DEEE!

Yet another scorcher in the big city today. I'm pretty sure after the last three days of un-fucking-believable heat and humidity there is no more water left in my body. My Gawd! Could someone turn the heat down already?? So anyway, I was on Germantown Ave today in the Not So Nice part of town. It was fun. OH! TONS of fun. I was on Rector Street waiting for my parking space to open up in front of the building because HOLY FUCK NOT. LEAVING. CAR. OUT. OF. SIGHT. People might steal Mah Shit. And DOOOOODE! I carry a LOT of shit! So I'm waiting, and reading a book. What? I got all day to fuck off people! And all the sudden....


Me: (scramble to turn down radio) What's that o'young and black??

Lil'Black boy: (pulls up pants, grabs crotch, adjust) You wanna dye my hair that color??

Me: HAHAHA (Casually roll up window and avert eyes.)

It was the predecessor of Things To Come.

So around noon I used my Nuvi to find the Micky-D's on Broad St. I was just chillin' in the parking lot reading my book and havin' a smoke. I got to see a few interesting things and have a LOVELY conversation. While I was there a slightly strung out looking white woman about 35yr but looking much older(read: dishevaled hair, ill fitting clothes, wild look in her eye) pulled up in a crappy Cavalier, then a young black guy pulled up in a beat ass Bonneville. She got out of her car, into his, back out of his car, into her shit box and drove away. Hmmm. Musta been a nice lil'drug deal. Sweet. I don't mind a little pot but this woman looked B.A.D. Crack or meth is my guess. I just shrugged it off, whatevs. Not my life. So I'm still reading my book, sweating and trying to stay out of the sun and another Bonneville pulls up with three young black gents in it. Two of whom exit the vehicle and go talk to people in another car. Muslims I think, the girl was wearing the full dress and face cover. I was just sitting there biting a fingernail and young black driver rolls down the rear passenger window....

YBD: Ayyyyy ba-beeee! Whas wrong? You lost? You go to schoooo down here?

Me: Oh, nothings wrong.

YBD: So.... you go to schoo down here?

Me: No.

YBD: Whats yo name baby?

Me: You wont be able to say it.

YBD: Naaaahhhh, its aiiight. I got a slick toungue.

Me: Oh..... uhhh... (insert name here)

YBD: AH, aint nuthin hard about that! So can I take you out sometime baby?

Me: Oh, honi I'm married.

YBD: Thas aiight, I got a mini van. He can come too.....

Me: ........................ (throw car in reverse, get THE FUCK OUT OF THERE)

Yeah, I think my boss gave me all the area's he's afraid to go in....

At least you knew you were in that side of town. It's a completely different animal when you are leaving your parent's house at 5 am (early morning flight) and there is a crack whore in the drive way staring at the lamp posts that line the nice, middle class drive-way. More disturbing when she asks you for a ride to town, even though your parents house is IN town.....We have no clue where the hell she came from!
You have the best road stories!
Run! Run while you can!

Dude, I am so glad that I don't live in your city!
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