Our Friend Frank.

Frank had a good heart, a happy demenor and a smile for everyone. Frank loves people, he even ministered in Bazil. Frank was a conservative guy who knew how to agree to disagree. He was a regular at our house for Saturday Night Fight Night, and would bring Pizza and Budwiser (which he would leave in the cooler and drink my beer). Frank would help anyone who needed help. Except himself. Frank decided he could no longer go on with his life. Frank was found dead in his garage, victim of a self-inflicted gunshot to the head. We miss you Frank. Rest in the Peace of Gods light you could not find here on earth.



Everyone, Meet the Professor.

I want everyone to meet the Professor. Sometimes a talkaholic, others entertaining, always drinking. Last night he was the prefect level of drunk to be hysterical. I'm not going to give you the whole story because I know I couldn't reproduce it in it's entirety, nor with any semblance of the entertainment value of the things that came out of his mouth. So, I'll give you the highlights.

Discussion about Jeff Buckley:
Prof: "Oh, yeah, I saw him once. There were about 8 people there. Once I stopped talking and actually listened, he was good. He was the best Faggot Angel."

Story about family members:
Prof: " Oh yeah, So, ok, Ultra Fag stole my brothers truck. So we're all down the city with like a high school year book photo going to all these Gay bars looking for Ultra Fag. So, I'm in this queer bar and there's this guy behind the bar wearing a SPEEDO, and I'm like "Have you seen this guy?" and he says "Yeah, he's giving blow jobs on 22nd street". So we head down that way and stop and talk to a cop. "You seen this guy? Is he a prostitute?" holding up the year book photo of Ultra Fag. "Yeah, yeah, I've seen him. I think he was a prostitute but he's cleaned up his act I think. Got himself a brand new truck" So as we interview a few other people, there goes Ultra Fag in the truck, so we give chase. And we notice both the sides of the truck are smashed in, the windshield is smashed, both door windows are smashed, and the rear window is smashed. My brother is screaming out the window "PULL THE FUCK OVER!!! PULL THE TRUCK THE MUTHERFUCK OVER!!!" So Ultra Fag smashes into one of those metal poles filled with concrete. He jumps out of the truck and runs and we notice a 450lb person, you know the kind you can't tell whether it's a girl or guy, wobbling like an overturned turtle trying to get out of the truck because the seat is broken and lays almost all the way back. Yeah, now here's where the midget comes into play. Yes, I said midget. This little guy scampers out the rear window trying to make his midget getaway."

Now, at this point I can't hear anymore of the story because we are all in tears laughing. Just wait, there will be shirts available sayin'

Makin' a Midget Getaway



My ceiling only leaks when it rains....

My Ceiling leaks when it rains. Cuz there's a hole in my roof. But my landlords aren't going to fix it because it only leaks when it rains. UUUuuuuuhhhh huh. Ok. That's like saying 'That stinks, smell it'..... or 'That's hot, I just burned my index finger, you touch it and see if it's hot'. S.M.R.T. I should have had the bucket under the place where it drips, but I didn't. I had my sneaker under the drip. I put one shoe on this morning as I get ready to come to my place of business, I go to properly install the second on my foot, and its so wet IT drips. At which point I believe my head spun around and I may or may not have been possessed by Satan. Cuz', you know, it only leaks when it rains.



It's official. I'm 'Not Nice'.

Sunday I decided to get my little ladder and paint out of the spare bedroom and do a little touch up in the living room. No biggie, I painted for an hour maybe. Of course I didn't collect all my stuff back up and put it away for many hours. Then Monday I went a did a little grocery shopping, banking and picked up my house. Ya know, just puttering. Tuesday I cooked a pot of beef stew, did some more laundry and puttering.

This morning Capt. Ass-Kicker says to me have you seen the cat? I must have had the Duuuuurrrrrrrrrrrr look on my face because he just walked away. When I came back in from taking the dog out The Capt. is headed down the hallway, yeah, you guessed it. He opened the spare bedroom door and out comes a cat rocket. The look my husband gave me! He was wishin me dead. I had no idea the cat had gotten herself locked in there. Usually if she gets stuck, and it happens a lot (she's what'd I'd call slow), I can hear her Meow for help. Even from the basement I can hear her. So I'm chalking this up to an unsuccessful suicide attempt. "It's not MY fault Your Cat is Suicidal"

OH! And Congratulations to my Youngest Sister. She just found out she passed all her classes and gets to Graduate the Pittsburgh Art Institute!



Is this reality?

I get home from work and sit down to eat my dinner and watch a little TV before I start trying to pick up the house and do the stuff that needs to be done. As I sit here watching TV it occurs to me Television was invented to take us away from reality and give us the news right? Shows like Leave it to Beaver and The Dukes of Hazard, they were designed to entertain us. When did it become acceptable to put "Reality TV" on our televisions? At first it was real reality. The random houses where they'd throw people together or strand them on an island and watch as havoc ensues. Then, suddenly it's spoof shows. That silly Ted Nugent show, Celebrity Fit Club, The Real World, and for the love of God, FLAVA FLLLLLAAAAAVVVVVVEEEE! I am so tired of seeing Child actors and washed up stars trying to re-create their poor sad careers on the worthless trite shows.

It offends me to the very core of my being. It's like a documentary gone wrong. I like documentaries, and I like entertaining shows, but please for the love of all that is good and holy take this non-reality crap off my friggin TV! I guess I shouldn't bitch to much. I try to limit my TV intake. And it does seem to be what the people want. I guess I just don't get watching fat ex-celebrities work out while I sit on my couch eating doritos getting fat.



Ok, Ok... I know....

Sorry kiddies. I have been close to dying for almost a friggin week now due to RSM's kids cold, yes, I'm blaming her, and stress from in-law visits. Not to mention I killed my immune system and kindneys with beer. All I have wanted to do is sleep. So I have no real good stories for ya. Capt. Ass-kicker started his new job on Tuesday and all he has to say about it is "Now I work for a living." No more Cushy retail shit for him. Me, I'm same old same old. Drooling on my keyboard all day waiting for payday. Except I am totally and completely annoyed this week. I forgot how annoying people can be when you are sick. I don't want to answer the phone, I don't want to talk to them and most of all I DON'T want to be "Verbally Groped" by them this week.

Top Ten Lines This Week

10. I'll never leave you alone...... (heavy breathing)

9. Aww, are you sick? Lets go home and I'll tuck you in...

8. You should let me give you an alcohol rub...

7. Do you need a full body massage? I'm free...

6. I'll bring you some chicken soup and we can cuddle up...

5. If you leave your husband I'll buy you a Vette...

4. What are you wearing???

3. UUuuuhhhhmmm, what nationality are you? (my name has a certain ethnic feel when mispronounced)

2. You husband, he prolly cheetin' on you. You shod check his cell phone. You wanna go out?

And the number one line of the week.....

1. Hey, you and your husband are the same age as my wife and me. You guys swing? We could all go out to dinner sometime and "Hang out" ya know.....

Yeah, my job ROCKS sometimes.....



What the fuck is wrong with me?

I must be the cruelest bitch ever. I don't have a fucking clue what is wrong with me. My Brother in laws are in town for vacation. It suposed to be fun, right? I like my in-laws. I have fun with them. So why is it I turn into an 'uber Cunt whenever they show up? My poor hubby, I have been treating him so badly. He told me today I have been a "snapping cunt" the past couple of days, and I have. And I don't know how to stop. I know there is a 'root of the problem' somewhere. I kinda sorta think I maybe might know what it is. Whenever they come out we have to go out and see all these people I don't know, and do all this crap outside my comfort zone. And I don't like it. I feel like an outsider. I am not pretty enough, cool enough, in-the-crowd enough. I feel fat. And ugly. And unwanted. And that makes me fight back the only way I know how. I turn mean, like a rabid dog. Throw in beer and I can't seem to shut my mouth from all the cruel things that want to come out. I don't wear make up. I don't Do my hair. I don't dress fashionably. And that makes me feel Less. Less than everyone else. I see all these people our age who have good jobs, and homes, and it makes me feel less. I can't DO all this. I can't be that girl. I never have been that girl. I don't know how to be that girl. I can't lose weight, I drink to much, and I smoke to much. (So yeah, thats a cycle I'm sure) I get depressed because I feel fat, so I sit on the couch and drink and smoke, which in turn makes me fatter. I am uncomfortable in my body. I have no ambition to work out, I don't know how which makes me embarassed to ask someone to show me, which makes me want to drink and smoke. Which in turn makes me fat, and uncomfortable and not want to have sex. Ever. I know there are thing wrong with me. Lots and lots of things. But I don't know what to do. Some days I can't even get up enough energy to do the dishes or wash. I just don't want to. I want to change, but change takes effort and I just don't know if I have it in me. And yea, theres a lot of fear in there too. And my poor husband takes the brunt of this madness in my head. So to him I say I am sorry.



Yeah dudes, I'm a friggin dork

Just so ya know, I must be hot to be a Betty Grable! Just Sayin'. (Yeah, totoally swiped it from RSM)

You are Betty Grable

The ulitmate girl next door
You're the perfect girl for most guys
Pretty yet approachable. Beautiful yet real.
What Famous Pinup Are You?

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