No Kids, No Life, Just a Wife

I want everyone to meet the Professor. Sometimes a talkaholic, others entertaining, always drinking. Last night he was the prefect level of drunk to be hysterical. I'm not going to give you the whole story because I know I couldn't reproduce it in it's entirety, nor with any semblance of the entertainment value of the things that came out of his mouth. So, I'll give you the highlights.

Discussion about Jeff Buckley:
Prof: "Oh, yeah, I saw him once. There were about 8 people there. Once I stopped talking and actually listened, he was good. He was the best Faggot Angel."

Story about family members:
Prof: " Oh yeah, So, ok, Ultra Fag stole my brothers truck. So we're all down the city with like a high school year book photo going to all these Gay bars looking for Ultra Fag. So, I'm in this queer bar and there's this guy behind the bar wearing a SPEEDO, and I'm like "Have you seen this guy?" and he says "Yeah, he's giving blow jobs on 22nd street". So we head down that way and stop and talk to a cop. "You seen this guy? Is he a prostitute?" holding up the year book photo of Ultra Fag. "Yeah, yeah, I've seen him. I think he was a prostitute but he's cleaned up his act I think. Got himself a brand new truck" So as we interview a few other people, there goes Ultra Fag in the truck, so we give chase. And we notice both the sides of the truck are smashed in, the windshield is smashed, both door windows are smashed, and the rear window is smashed. My brother is screaming out the window "PULL THE FUCK OVER!!! PULL THE TRUCK THE MUTHERFUCK OVER!!!" So Ultra Fag smashes into one of those metal poles filled with concrete. He jumps out of the truck and runs and we notice a 450lb person, you know the kind you can't tell whether it's a girl or guy, wobbling like an overturned turtle trying to get out of the truck because the seat is broken and lays almost all the way back. Yeah, now here's where the midget comes into play. Yes, I said midget. This little guy scampers out the rear window trying to make his midget getaway."

Now, at this point I can't hear anymore of the story because we are all in tears laughing. Just wait, there will be shirts available sayin'