OMG! The Fat! It's taking over!

So, ok in highschool (circa 1997) I weight 103lbs. Not bad right? But I didn't Drink, Eat more than 1 meal a day and walked everywhere because I had no car. I was a lean, mean thin machine. Then came college, and booze, and sleeping and doing nothing. The freshman 10? Yeah, more than that. Then, I bombed out of school (cuz of that whole not going to class thing) and The Capt. and I moved back to my home town. Maybe, in retrospect, not such a good idea. If you know anything about small towns you know there is never anything to do. Ever. Except for drink. So thats what I did. ALOT. It got to the point I could drink 20ish of a 30 pack a night. That took 5 good years of training to accomplish. What I didn't count on though is the fact while I was drinking away my misery I.BLEW.THE.FUCK.UP. I ended up a whopping 160lbs and in a size 13. Yes, I cried alot. Ten jeans sizes is enough to send you to the darkest pits of the blackest hell of depression. And so I drank more. Family vacation to Cancun? Yeah, not so much fun that year. Long story short, Fatty Mc Fatfat? Yep, that was me. Then, we finally decided to move out of Smallville and back to The Capt.'s hometown outside of Philly. Into his Parents house. For six months while I helped remodel the duplex his parents bought. Every day I went to work for 9 hours, ran home, ate and ran to the duplex to work until 9 or 10 at night. Work was not easy, I ran around carrying heavy shit, two 40 lb rotors and brakes and I was tired when I got home, but if I didn't finish the duplex I was NEVER moving out of the in-laws house. I didn't drink during the week, I was too tired, and I was too broke to buy soda so I drank water. And I didn't eat breakfast or lunch. The weight started to melt off. I got down to around 115lbs, which while not 103lbs, was WAY better than 160lbs! Say yay! Except I wasn't losing the weight the right way. Starving myself is not the right way to lose weight, right? Except it IS the easy way. It is way easier than, say, working out and eating small balanced meals. But I was THIN! AND PRETTY! AND HUNGRY! Now, it's been 2 years since we moved into the duplex and I am still thin(ish), and hungry. I am by nature a binge eater. When I am hungry? OMG! MOVE ALREADY! I NEED FOOD! And it's usually the most calorie laden, carbohydrated stuff I can get my hands on because my body is telling my brain to "eat! eat! eat! as much crap as you can to store up fat because she serously might never feed us again!" So as you may have guessed my body is now rebeling against me. I am getting fat again and I can not stop it unless, OMG! I work out and eat right. Which I am not so much into, because that's work and stuff. Or I just stop eating all together, which to my addled little brain sound way easier than doing it the right way. ( Not to mention then I would totally have to tell The Capt. he was right. Not so much into that either.) *sigh* I guess I'm going to have to diet and only eat chicken and tuna again, and maybe, while no one is home work out. But I'll never admit it. Because The Capt., he can't ever know he was right. EVER.

I totally know what you mean, with the not eating easier than eating properly and having to work out. I was doing slimfast and lost about 5 pounds. But now? I am back on veggies and food. And petrified that it's going to come tumbling back on... and that no more is going to come off.

If I weighed 103 lbs, I'd be almost dead. I'd settle for an even 140.
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