No Kids, No Life, Just a Wife

When you think of love, your boy(girl)friend or spouse, what do you think? The overly romantacized version of Hollywood love? Fall in love, overcome some horrible trauma, fall into each others arms to live happily ever after? I used to think that way too. Now I know its not all flowers and roses. When I was a teenager I went after the bad boy in hopes of rehabilitating him and turning him into the love of my life, blah blah blah, a regular old Hollywood movie about teen angst and if he had just one person who loved him unconditionally he would turn his life of hatred and fear around and love me back. Feel sick to your stomach yet? The lesson I learned in that season of my life is people will not change for you, they only change for themselves, if you think for one instant they are changing for you? You are being used, manipulated and degraded. And it's your own fault. Don't get me wrong. People can and do change for others. But it has to be their choice. They have to want to change for you. That, my deahhhh's, is they ultimate key. Love is powerful enough to make them WANT to change. The key is also the catch 22. It's hard to tell the difference between when they change because they love you and want to and when they're just manipulating you. It leads to many a broken heart and bruised soul. But when you find the person you need to be with, every wound, every bruise, every tear shed in the agony of broken heart after broken heart is worth it, and they no longer matter. It can't hurt you any more and you can look back and appreciate everything good and bad about every relationship no matter how long or how short it was. You realize you learn from each and every situation you go through, and how abso-fucking-lutely lucky you are to have found what you have. The things that give me the warm fuzzy feeling about love and make me feel like my heart might burst from the love I feel, so much so it almost hurts, are the times he held my hair when I puked. How considerate he can be when I least expect it. That he works so hard every day to give me the things that I want in life and still fulfill his own needs. That he lectures me 'For your own good'. That he'll argue with me, when he argues it means he still cares what I think and do. These are the things that make me know, deep in my heart and my soul, that he loves me. Look for the good in you life, in your loves. Even when it seems at it's worst, there's always a spark, a tiny point of love. Appreciate it. Acknowledge it. It's seldom easy (especially if you're wrong) but do it every day. Every.Day. Tell them you need them, love them and appreciate them. And tell them why. They need to know, to hear it from you. It makes your heart light, lifts you up, makes you feel loved in your darkest hour, and we all need that. Look for it. It's there.