2.28.2007

 

I'm the Cook Bitch!

I've been cooking for a long time. When I was a kid I made cookies and helped my Gram with dinner, and I was a regular attendee in my fathers kitchen. I know how to cook. I do it well. I've never poisoned anyone, or even made them a little sick! I'm good like that. Last night I made Goulash. A quick simple meal I can throw together. Except! The Capt. was home. He who cannot boil water for Mac and Cheese comes wandering into my kitchen....

The Capt: Hey! That smells great! That's sad that something as simple as onions, garlic, green peppers and burger smells great!

Me: Well, there's YumYum in there too...

The Capt: Whats YumYum?

Me: The pig my mom had slaughtered..... *(at which point his eyes might have opened so wide I was afraid they might fall out)

The Capt: YOU'RE COOKING BEEF AND PORK TOGETHER???? DON'T YOU KNOW THAT MAKES BACTERIA??? YOU'RE TRYING TO KILL ME!!!

Me: Well, every other time I've cooked hamburger and pork sausage together you ate it and never died from it. You do know I've been cooking your food for almost 9 years now right? You're not dead yet...

The Capt: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYeeeyeyeyeyeyeaaaaaaaaaaaa Bacteria!!! BACTERIA!!!

I think he even fell to the floor clutching his stomach at one point. Anyway, it was good like usual. And The Capt. ate it like a good little boy. And! He didn't even DIE! Or go into CONVULSIONS! Or Anything!

I KNOW! RIGHT!


Now all we have to work on is the Dreaded Left Overs. Just because it has been housed in that cold box in our kitchen for more than 2 days does not make food spoiled! I need to show him the difference between spoiled food and good food. Maybe I'll make a list of key things to look for on the fridge...

1. Is it growing fuzz, fur, fluff or spots?

2. Is it leaking strange colored fluids not associated with the original food color?

3. Does it have a sour smell, like sour milk?

If it has none of these indicators EAT IT AL-FUCKING-READY! IT'S FINE FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! *geez*

This kid needed to grow up around my dad.

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Comments:
That's hilarious, about the pork and beef together!

We put leftovers in the freezer, then I actually cook them with something else later... then I don't have to remind anyone that eating leftovers is ok!
 
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