4.25.2007

 

Now You Just Wait One Fucking Minute....

***IMPORTANT NOTICE***
***DANGER!! DANGER WILL ROBINSON***
Father types, Mother types and Grandparent types! Be forewarned! A S-E-X entry to follow!! And possibly a spider refrence!
***END NOTICE***


The Capt. came home early from training last night and I was all WOOT! Teh Sex tonight Beee-bee!! As we were relaxing and discussing the horribleness that is work I casually asked him

Me: Hey! You think maybe you'd like to have the sex with me tonight or are ya too sore?

The Capt: Well.... Jeez...... when you put it that way it doesn't sound too enticing. Like you're not really into it..... (they don't make a button that looks whiney instead of bold or italics)

Me: Oh *embarrassment* Well......... I was just asking because you have been training so hard and I'll need to shower and shave and stuff.......

(at this point I feel like the WORST WIFE EVER)

The Capt: Well, it didn't used to be like this. It was more spontaneous...... not scheduled.....

Me: Well, would it help if I put it in my mouth?

The Capt: Yeah..... (the whiney button again)

*and he prepares for bed*

I grab a towel and head off to the shower.

The Capt: Oh, and I just took a melatonin pill sooo....

Me: I'd better hurry huh?

Now, as I was showering to get all nice and smell good for Mah Man it occurred to me the way he initiates The S-E-X isn't exactly like the way it was in the beginning either. Why should I feel bad? He should feel just as bad, the little manipulator! I usually get one of 3 initiators.

1. a text message asking for me to
a. Take the 'Snake' out when he gets home
b. Put it in my mouth or he will smack me in the face with it
c. Touch it or he will wait until I am asleep and then make me touch it.

2. Or he will hint at it all night when he gets home Example: Hey, what are ya doing over there? You're not using your hands are ya.......

3. Or he waits until I am asleep and tries to wake me up for it. Under no circumstances am I to be woken ever. I don't preform well when woken.

So the next time he complains about me being to scheduled I will just remind him he isn't exactly Sweeping Me Off My Feet when he wiggles it in my face.

And that I SAVED him from the Spider that tried to Suck His Very Life Blood while I was trying to wake him up enough to have sex with me.

Comments:
Ha ha ha! Don't worry - this is WAY more common than you think! :P
 
"Touch it or he will wait until I am asleep and then make me touch it."

That was funny! You sound a lot like my wife, less the mouth part.
 
That sounds like my household. Although my other half has been known to hump my leg if necessary ;0p
 
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