3.31.2008
How to Almost fall out of bed.
Step 1: Sleep for a minimum of 4 hours with one or both arms thrown above head.
Step 2: Have miserable little dog who growls and has fits if you disturb his beauty sleep. Where-in his chosen sleep station is across your lower legs.
Step 3: Have very loud and annoying alarm clock that starts out with a fairly soft Beep Beep Beep which gets progressively LOUDER.
Step 4: Alarm goes off
Step 5: I sit upright only to learn my left arm no longer works. In fact, it seems it is being eaten by Fire Ants and is refusing to cooperate in any way.
Step 6: Scoot carefully past dog to end of bed.
Step 7: Think to yourself "I can probably use my left arm to prop myself up so as to use my right hand to shut off this God-Awful NOISE!" Thinking might not be your best idea first thing in the morning.
Step 8: Try and prop myself up with my left arm which promptly collapses sending me careening toward the floor.
Step 9: Save yourself by catching your face on the bed. Pout and rub your dead arm.
Step 10: Your husband wakes up momentarily and asks if you are OK. When you reply, No, you are in fact not OK, you find out he doesn't really care. He has gone back to sleep.
Step 11: Lay back down rubbing your dead arm while plotting your husbands death.
Step 12: Start Miserable Day.
Step 2: Have miserable little dog who growls and has fits if you disturb his beauty sleep. Where-in his chosen sleep station is across your lower legs.
Step 3: Have very loud and annoying alarm clock that starts out with a fairly soft Beep Beep Beep which gets progressively LOUDER.
Step 4: Alarm goes off
Step 5: I sit upright only to learn my left arm no longer works. In fact, it seems it is being eaten by Fire Ants and is refusing to cooperate in any way.
Step 6: Scoot carefully past dog to end of bed.
Step 7: Think to yourself "I can probably use my left arm to prop myself up so as to use my right hand to shut off this God-Awful NOISE!" Thinking might not be your best idea first thing in the morning.
Step 8: Try and prop myself up with my left arm which promptly collapses sending me careening toward the floor.
Step 9: Save yourself by catching your face on the bed. Pout and rub your dead arm.
Step 10: Your husband wakes up momentarily and asks if you are OK. When you reply, No, you are in fact not OK, you find out he doesn't really care. He has gone back to sleep.
Step 11: Lay back down rubbing your dead arm while plotting your husbands death.
Step 12: Start Miserable Day.
Labels: falling out of bed, killing husband, oh holy fuck
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