Excuse me? Do you Work here?

Like the unerring asshole I am I decided to go shopping at our local crafty shit store Michaels on Saturday. Let me just say this. STOOPID! There was a traffic jam at the door because no one can carry 3 balls of yarn and a 6 foot piece of garland without possibly herniating a disk. I mean lord knows, those pretty glass ball ornaments must weigh all of .03587612 lbs! As I'm winding my way through this traffic clusterfuck a woman approaches me. Let me give you the first of many stoopid conversations I had that day.

Me: *grumble grumble stupid fuckers, stop hitting me with that cart before I shove it up your fat ass stoopid*

Pretty Yuppie Lady: Um, Excuse me?? EXCUSE ME??!??!!

Me: Who?? Me?

Pretty Yuppie Lady: Yes, can you tell me where those little hanger things are for ornaments? I have been all over your store and I can't find them anywhere. What DO your employees do? ANYTHING??

Me: Excuse me? I don't work here. I can't imagine what might have made you think I work here?! Is it my ORANGE shirt, while miraculously all of the staff is wearing BRITE FUCKING RED APRONS???

She ran away. Quickly.

After fighting MORTAL COMBAT * hear music here* style through he throngs of disgruntled, 'I am the only person who is important' people I finally made my way back to the yarn isle. As I peruse through the many colors and textures I hear yet another....

Lil'Old Black Lady: Excuse me?

Me: *Oh shit* Yes?

Lil'Old Black Lady: Are you a Colors girl?
*What I heard was "Are you a ColorED girl"*

Me: *Blank Stare of total and utter confusion* Excuse me?

Lil'Old Black Lady: I mean do you know your colors? What goes with what?

I spent 30 minutes with this lady trying to help her find two colors that matched well enough to make a scarf, which is ok. I don't truly mind helping, but then she follows up this half an hour of 'help' with this

Lil'Old Black Lady: Do you think you could help my friend too?

Me: UUUUuuuuuhhhhmmm......... Sure I guess I could try...........

So it looks like I shall be The Good Elf Helps A lot this Christmas season. I might just barricade myself in my house after all!

You poor thing....I hate going into Michaels or AC Moore at this time of year...sheer madness!
Which Michaels do you go to?
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