No Kids, No Life, Just a Wife

So after we moved din to the new house we decided to have a little get together and watch the UFC. I had enough stuff put away that it was reasonable to think we could have a little party without too much trouble. Man! I was Way wrong on that.

I was puttering around, just piicking up the little bits, the decorations, the extra stuff I just don't know where it belongs yet and there is a closet behind the bar. "Hmmm," I think... "That'll be a good place for some of these bits and pieces" So I go and put some stuff in there and as I go to shut the door it sticks a little. No biggie. I give it a little jiggle and a shove, no problem! The door slides shut. Next thing I know my teeth are clacking together, my head figgin hurts and I'm looking at the floor. I do the 'Owey, oh holy fucking hell that smarts a bit' dance for a minute and when my eye stop watering I look to see what fell on my head. I can not express to you how much a Full Beer Can hurts when it hits you on the head very unexpectedly. I had a nice Crescent Shaped Lump, Of course it was off center just enough to do the most damage. I text'd The Capt and tell him his Step Father might be trying to kill me with beer cans and one just hit me on the head For No Reason! His response? It's magic! He actually said "Good". I may have cussed at him a little. So, anyway, the weekend after I throw myself down an embankment (my FIL's leaf blower) a ber can (from my FIL's collection) magically tries to kill me. I think I see a pattern. Could this be voodoo? (power of voodoo, Who do? you do, Do what? remind me of the baby!)

So now you are all caught up. I moved, then hurt myself. A lot. I am good at it. Anyway! I'm off to LA for Christmas. Have fun and look for crazy pics!

Now for the apologies! I am a big jerk. I know! I have brought you no Funny, and hardly any good stories. I spent all (Most? Some?) of November packing and being generally unsuitable for conversation due to said packing. Plus I had Thanksgiving with the Crazy almost Irish mob side of His family. Yes, I made sure to put HIS because I have enough crazy, he can keep his. We, and when I say we, I mean I and a random assortment of his friends moved my entire house on Black Friday. It Rocked heartily. (LIES!!! ALL LIES! MOVING BLOWS!) but at least we have friends who will help us move. That is kinda cool. So anyway, I spent the rest of the weekend cleaning, painting and picking up general clutter and bits that are always left behind. naturally, that is the weekend we got the first and second big frost so all the leaves fell out of all 6 trees simultaneously. THAT, my friends, Is awesome! Especially since The Capt threw my rake away. (No, I will not go buy another rake. He must go and get me a new rake. It's his fault I don't have one.) {Shut up. I know I'll end up buying my own fucking rake. Let me have my fantasy bitches!} Wait, where was I?? OH! So I was using my FIL's cheap ass, weak as shit leaf blower and fell down a hill. And I don't mean like "Oops! Haha, I fell down" I mean like 'Movie Fall'. I trip in Slow motion.... windmilling my arms so this cheap ass leaf blower goes flying over my head as I smash into stumps, roots, rocks and shit. Of course my back pockets are full of things. Pokey Thing. A Utility Knife, 2 paint can openers, my cell phone.... you know. Shit. So, it's Sunday after I've just spent the entire weekend moving, painting, cleaning, I am physically and mentally wiped out and now I just threw myself down a fucking embankment and hurt myself. What do I do? Well, the only logical thing. I pull the leaf blower over, and sob hysterically. I was sore, tired, angry, and now I was bruised on top of everything so I just broke down. I eventually finished the leaves between sniffles. And when I stopped at the bank to deposit a check on my way to my new home I think I was still crying a little and the girl behind the glass might have been a little afraid of me, but thats ok. I lived, and the pretty bruises on my heiny did go away. Just wait for tomorrow. I'll tell you all about the attack of the really old beer can. It also is tremendous fun!

Labels: cuz I'm good like that, Fuck me, I fall down go BOOM