No Kids, No Life, Just a Wife

So the Tuesday before Thanksgiving turned out to change my life dramatically. (Yes, this does apply to my life, that's the perspective I'm choosing to take on this particular post) No longer can I see my Baby Sister as the sweet little child in my memories. She is now a 23 year old adult with a college degree. And a Baby of her own on the way. As you might imagine I.FREAKED.OUT. My Baby Sister? But she's like 12??!?!???!11111 Right? RIGHT??? Apparently I was wrong wrong wrong. I cried (sobbed actually), hit the very large wall of denial and was filled with sadness at first. You see my perception of prenancy and babies is not normal, or natural for that matter. When I think of babies, my brain flees from my skull in a panic worse than psnunami survivors from a wave of massive proportion. Growing up in small town America I associate it with 'trapped', 'welfare abuse' and 'inordinate amount of anger because now your life leads nowhere'. Which, I am well aware is not how it ends for most people, but it is what I witnessed growing up. These thoughts, emotions and feeling are seared into my brian with a white hot brand. And now I am finding myself faced with everything *I* fear, but now I fear it for my baby sister. I realize these are *my* feeling about it, not hers. She seems actually quite happy with it. It might not have been planned, but she is happy none the less, and I should be supportive and happy for her. And I am trying to be now. But not when I first heard about it. Thank god I had the good sense not to call her right away. So now I am trying to shop for baby and I realize I have NO IDEA what she will need, or what will help ease her day post birth. She has no family (except for her boyfriend hence forth known as The Elf) where she lives so anything we can do to make her life easier is what I want to do. So clue me in kiddies! What do I need to buy?





*** side note***

An enormous Thank you to all the girls (and Chachi) over at RSM for helping me put this in perspective and giving me ideas on the things she'll need. *MWAH* Chickies! Love you all!

So I got to work this morning and found out someone had called out in one of our other locations, again. This seems to happen at least 3 - 4 times a month. I just don't get it. Like, at all. When you have a job, and people rely upon you to show up and do said job, where is the guilt when you screw your co-workers? I can't even take a scheduled vacation day without guilt. The way I was raised you do your job. Every. Day. That's why it's called a JOB. If it wasn't work and un-fun they'd call it 'Fun you get Paid for' or some silly shit. I just don't understand. These people want to get paid more for showing up on time, not doing something beyond what your job description is. I always thought you Do More To Get Paid more, not You Get Paid More To Do More. When did this change? Did GW have a hand in this? It's this Government related? Military maybe? My company is very good to me. I get regular raises, vacation time all the goodies, but I come to work ON TIME, and DO MY JOB to the best of my abilities, not to mention I can cover just about every other position in my company. I am who they come to with a problem because I can fix it. Unfortunately, that also makes me the hardest working individual in the company and the first one thrown under the bus. I don't mind working hard and helping out where I'm needed, but HOLY MOTHEROFCHRISTMAS! Other people should have to work too! I am not here to do everyone's job! Give me their paycheck if I'm doing their job right?

My apologies, I am no longer able to post here due to the fact I will be crocheting until my hands seize up and fall off.




That is all.

Has anyone ever watched a bad driver back out of a tight parking spot? Like a REALLY BAD DRIVER? Back up....stop ........ turn wheel........ pull forward........stop....... about elleventybillion times and then still scrape their side mirror? That is the Warm and Fuzzy Goodness that are my delivery drivers. Yeah, totally exciting, I know. I just want to jerk them out of the car and do it myself because holy baby jeeeebus it's NOT THAT HARD! Everyone has accidents, I know that. But people who drive for a living should know how to back out of a parking spot, parallel park, not remove their side mirrors with buildings. Ya know? Some of them have vocabularies that consist soley of mono sylibic words, so even having a conversation is like trying to rip one of your own wisdom teeth out with a set of needle nosed plyers. Ok, vent over. Hate and discontent returned to the darkest pit of my heart.....

Last night The Capt. and I went out for a nice meal of crab legs and beer at our local dive. It was fun and we had a good time. After we ate we popped next door, to the Irish style pub we usually hang out at. The Capt., he got a wee bit tipsy. And Argumentative. He trains mixed martial arts most every day. He wants me to train 2 days a week with him. Now, you need to understand I DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS. Our conversation last night.

The Capt: "Oh yeah, you're going to start training 2 days a week with me"

Me: "Uuuuuhhhhmmmmm, no."

The Capt: "Sure you are. I am the Man and what I say goes"
*which was a joke, and I understood that.*

Me: "Yeah, good luck with that."

The Capt: "Hey Dugan (A friends of ours of the female persuasion) wanna come train with Laundry Broad two days a week?"

Me: *Look of shock and incredulity*

Dugan: "Sure, how's thursday?"

The Capt: "Perfect!"

Now I feel like I've been pushed and manipulated into doing something I had no intention of doing to begin with. I used to train with Dugan, it was fine. Previously I had told The Capt. I would only train with women so he felt validated in offering me up on a platter because, 'hey, it's a girl, you said you'd train with a girl'. Fine, ok, no big deal right? Riiiiiiight. On our way home we got in a fight about it. All I wanted was for him to have asked me if I would train with Dugan. I would have said yes. But because he made the assumption I would, I was a little disappointed and hurt. So, I said something about it. At which point he FLEW.THE.FUCK.OFF.THE.HANDLE.

"What is so wrong with trying to help you? You never do anything unless I push you as hard as I can. If manipulating you is the only way to get you to do anything I'll do it!"

"Don't tell me I can't make money out of the house by giving lessons!"
(which had nothing to do with me not wanting to train...)

"What is wrong with you? I'll pay for help. I go with you. You are out of your mind."

"what's the difference if you would have done it anyway?"

He woke me up at 3:30 and asked me if I was still mad at him. I was never mad. I was Hurt. Disappointed. All I wanted was for him to understand my point of view and agree that Yes, I should have a say in my own life. I may Smoke (I know it's bad for me), I drink, (probably to much), and I don't exercise in any conventional way but ya know what?? Its MINE. The more he pushes me to stop smoking and drinking and start exercising and taking care of myself the less I want to. It may seem childish and vindictive but God Damn do I hate to be pushed into doing things. I know it's all because 'He loves me' and 'He wants us to grow old together' but he makes me want to scream at him sometimes. I mean FUCK! LEAVE ME ALONE. It's not denial, I know all the things I do are bad for me and are killing me. Trust me, I KNOW ALREADY!

Was I wrong in thinking he should have asked me first? Am I crazy?

I work in a small office area and the girls potty is but 10 feet from me. Granted there is a (loud) exhaust fan in there and, ya know, a door I do not believe the poopinng should occur there. Its too close to where the four of us sit. There's no 'breathing room', or barrier to block possible toxic fumes from escaping into the common area. I find the mere thought of it gross, possibly embarrassing and at least mildly inappropriate. What do YOU think?